Washed by the Water

Even when the rain falls,

Even when the flood starts rising,

Even when the storm comes,

I am washed by the water.

-Needtobreathe "washed by the water" lyrics

Brynlee Earrings & Date Night

We got Brynlee's ears pierced! She actually did really well, and only let out a cry or two and then was done - the girl said she did better than any other baby she's pierced before. Which is great, because I cried and ran to the corner of the room! But she looks BEAUTIFUL, and I'm so glad we did it! I need to take some better pictures of her, but below are some that at least show her ears!

And on another note - she is rolling over! She has been for about 2 weeks now, she and Kyler both rolled over right around 3 months and 2 weeks old! Crazy!

Below are some pics of what was actually one of the best married-dates that Josh and I have ever been on, he wouldn't tell me until we got there, but we went to the Pappajohn sculpture park in Des Moines, I didn't even know what it was - but it was awesome! and happens to be right by American Dream Machine(where we looked at classic muscle cars :) - all in all we got to see some wonderful things and talked and held hands(hehe) without kids!

Mastitis

...again! This is my second case of Mastitis since Brynlee was born. I'm not going to go into the personal details, but if you have ever been a nursing mother, you are probably at least aware of what it is. And it sucks! Last time I was a total wreck(I did have every single awful symptom in the book, and Brynlee also got all the side-effects and ended up at the doctor too), but this time I think I've caught it early and I'm determined not to let it get the best of me. So what if I have to give Brynlee a bottle once or twice so I can get a break and heal. It'll help me be able to continue nursing her for the next 8 months of her life, and that doesn't mean I'm taking the easy way out, giving up, or being selfish. It is going to be OKAY.

And thankyou. for the supportive comments. They brought tears to my eyes, and though I've never been much of a woman-power kind of girl :) it is still SO nice to hear that other girls with happy smiley blogs and pictures and families still struggle sometimes too. I'm starting to understand why women need each other. So even though I care so much about each of you and would wish this on none of you, I'm not so alone in it. I would take you all out to lunch if the continental USA wasn't so ginormous ;)

(and for enduring that little update, I'll try to post pumpkin patch and Brynlee ear piercing pictures soon!)

The shape I'm in

Okay, humility and honesty time. (or can we say, hormones? hehe)

I heard a song on the radio yesterday, and felt like pieces of it really defined where I'm at right now, aside from the fact that the whole thing was about a guy losing his girlfriend(which most country songs are about, haha). Here are some different lines that felt like me right now.

I'm getting better, at barely getting by

and I'm doing alright, for the shape I'm in

Part of why I haven't been blogging or on facebook much is that I'm mostly just doing what I can to hang in here. I know and have talked to a couple people and read some articles about the emotional ups and downs that can come after having a baby, and it's not to say that I'm not still a happy person and totally in love with my new little girl, I am - but everything else is a little overwhelming at times. And not feeling like sunshine-and-rainbows myself, I know nobody probably wants to hear about it and I don't really have anything to give.
So that's probably why I've disappeared.

After looking at my situation though, and talking to some people I love, I realize why I am this way. I remind myself it's no wonder I feel like this, and it's not because I am just not good enough. I'm isolated, with nowhere I need to go, and I did just have a baby. I don't exercise, and I don't eat very well at all(yesterday all I had to eat before 5:00 was 2 banana muffins and 3 bite-sized crunch bars). And working on my computer at home while caring for my kids, I practically never get out of the house, and am not really involved in - anything, really, that makes me feel like I'm growing or learning or a successful, worthwhile person. I push people away. And when my husband is gone so much, and involved in so many different things that I am proud of and doing my best to support, it is just a doormat-feeling place to be.

So, what difference does it make if I excercise or not, if I eat crap or healthy, or if I wear pajamas or cute clothes? These things are all at the bottom of a very long list, especially when I have nowhere to go, and nobody to see me.

But, I get up every morning and do get dressed. I talk to my mom, my sisters, and visiting teacher. I brought dinner to a friend. I am working hard to communicate with my husband. I play the piano, and I walk the dogs. I'm here, blogging. I started sewing again, and I painted a new halloween decoration. I kiss on my baby, and I draw with Kyler. I haven't resorted to drinking caffeine again. I take hot baths when I feel like I need them, and I listen to good music. I may not cook often, but I do dishes. I still hope that tomorrow will be a better day, and I will be a better me, and I'm trying to pray much more often.

So I'm doing alright, for the shape I'm in.

Playing catch-up

This summer has been so very busy, and I've been so head-over-heels about my new baby girl and grown-up Kyler(as well as trying to not be overwhelmed with these blessings) that I haven't taken the time to share about them, and all the wonderful memories we've been making! Here is a little bit of what we've been up to, I hope I didn't leave anything out!

I could go on forever, and share many more pictures, but here are some highlights of times we spent with family late August & early September. We took a trip out to Idaho (let me clarify, it was a ROAD-trip...) to visit my mom Kathy and sisters. While there we had a very beautiful and long awaited sealing in the temple, celebrated Camille & Kyler's birthdays, visited great-grandparents, and really had an all-around great time; all the while Brynlee and Kyler were completely swooned over and showered with love and attention!

Every shy-but-gorgeous 17-yr-old needs a cute thong, right? What kind of a big sister would I be if I didn't make her blush every now and then... hehe

We were also so excited and blessed to have my mom Sandy and Brad come out here to Iowa for a visit! It was great to see them and be able to show them around a little bit, I had fun dying my mom's hair and Brad and Josh enjoyed a little "man-time" too ;)

Our Birthday Boy! Kyler turned 3 on Sept 13th - all grown up! Here was a little party I threw together...

We went to the ADM Homecoming Football Game as a family, and Kyler still asks in his prayers every day to go to another football game. haha :)

It was our first year going to the Madison County Bridge Festival in Winterset, and it was definitely a fun new experience. Below is a John Wayne statue(he was born in Winterset).

Kyler is now going to Preschool! I can't believe it, my little guy is all grown up! He (finally!)decided to be pottytrained weeks before his 3rd birthday and the start-date for school, so he actually gets to go to school! He goes 3 days a week and really loves it, he is doing sooooo well, he is so actively learning now it was just what he needs. Kyler is really comfortable with people, and to anyone new he very confidently declares "I Kyler, I three!"
(this is his first preschool fieldtrip - to the pumpkin patch with his class - and WITHOUT mommy and daddy!)